Navigating the Shadows: My struggles with Imposter Syndrome After Leaving Division One Lacrosse

For the better part of my life, lacrosse was more than a sport; it was a way of life. From the age of 8, I had a stick in my hand, rushing back and fourth to practices. My family sacrificed summers, birthdays and even weddings for my love of the game. As a student-athlete at Stony Brook University for four years, lacrosse dominated my existence, shaping my routine from early morning lifts to demanding practices. Balancing academics, athletics and personal life was a constant struggle, but it became my norm. Little did I know, as my senior year approached there was going to be a decision I would have to make-one that would redefine my identity.

Senior year brought an unexpected opportunity. The major I had been yearning for finally materialized, but it meant extending my time at Stony Brook for an extra semester. With an extra year of eligibility due to a past ACL tear, I faced crucial crossroads. Multiple injuries and persistent pain forced me to reevaluate my priorities, especially as I looked towards starting my career. The guilt of potentially letting go of lacrosse loomed large, but deep down I knew it was time to make a tough call.

After much consideration and talking with my parents, I made the decision to step away from lacrosse. The feelings of Imposter Syndrome were almost immediate. I chose to spend my last semester solely as a student, jump starting my career sooner than expected. The guilt, however, didn't go away. The absence of lacrosse left me with an overwhelming sense of undeserved free time, and doubts crept in. Did I make the right choice? Should I have held on to the cleats for just a bit longer?

The transition was far from seamless. Everyday, while my former teammates headed out to practice, I found myself walking to the classroom, questioning my decisions. The absence of the sport that had defined me for so long left a void that was difficult to reconcile. However, amidst the struggle, I found solace in knowing the steps I was taking were aligned with my aspirations.

If you find yourself in the middle of trying to make a decision similar to this one, my advice is simple: follow your heart. As cliché as it may sound, only you truly understand what is best for you. Opinions may come from all different directions, but in the end, trusting your own instincts and the process will lead you to where you are meant to be.

As I reflect on my journey from the field to the classroom, I recognize that trading my cleats for classrooms was not just a decision; it was a pivotal moment in shaping my identity beyond the game of lacrosse. If you, too, stand on the brink of change, remember that embracing the unknown can be the first step in discovering your true self. Trust your journey, and as you navigate your life beyond sport, remember that the chapters you close pave the way for new, exciting beginnings.